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"I don't want to, I want to," Vekerdy ​​replies

The 3-year-old baby expresses her desire "willingly", and the grandmother wants to get used to the word "wish" in the name of decency. Corrective rectification leads to dyskinesias in the child. What is the solution and the right one? Tamás Vekerdy, a psychologist, answers.

"I don't want to, I want to," Vekerdy ​​replies"Little baby, Verocska, three years old, and very fond of being with my grandmother (my mother). She's there for her, but she's been up and down a few times now, but she's got a little talk, but she's got a little discussion. it always starts with the child, when asked about something, rabbi, and says very much, "I want to!" In this case, my parents always say, "I don't want to, I want to!" This is verbatim ! "My parents are stubborn, and they tie the dinner to their arms," ​​I don't want to, but I want to! "And then, it goes so much to the stuff, to the school. That when I am there, my childhood memories, all this with and without problems ... I came out of it with a turbulent teenage rebellion, but before that I remember it well, either angered or drove me to suicidal thoughts I will show them to you! Of course, this may not only have been the right fit, not the wrong fit, but in me it has to do with this victory. Here I am not going to tell you that my father (they still live together) turned out to be less than obscure about what he was doing while always asking for morality. I'm sure I'm so sensitive to these things, but I think it's bad to see that a kid who has loved to come to us so far sometimes goes almost reluctantly. I'm so sensitive to the fact that I wish, "I am still together, and I feel somehow meaningless lying to the whole. What is the opinion of the psychologist about this? "

Vekerdy ​​Tamбs: What matters is not about words

Verocska is three years old, and as we all know, this is the age when the child exercises himself "voluntarily." Dackorszak. You want the canvas. It is typical of the situation that the child is in agreement with the adult, what he / she is asked about and expresses exactly what he / she feels about his / her inner state, his / her feelings: I do not want to lie to him / her.
The grown-up world - yes, it is right, usually, as it has been described - considers this exact expression of the inner state to be "unlearned", "demanding".
I'm goodbye, at last, and I'm listening to dad and his girl talk in front of one of the rag dolls booth:
- Which baby do you prefer? The blue or the red?
- I want the blue!
And here's the usual intimation:
"I don't want to, but I want to! We'll be listening to complaints soon: He doesn't want to learn, he doesn't want to listen; he doesn't want to do it; he doesn't want to pack it up, he doesn't want to put on a new dress ... Or, in fact, he has no willpower! In fact, unfortunately we can hear it (from parents and educators alike):
- You have to break your will!
Fortunately, these days we are less likely to succeed than we would like.
"Converted will" leads you over to your depressed state and, as our letter suggests, "plays with" suicidal thoughts - by the time your child approaches adolescence.
Do not believe that a child will be educated by learning that he / she cannot "want" to whisper something, and then the adult will decide whether or not to do so.
So-called "good education" - whatever we mean by it - can result from a profound and constant communication in which the child gains a sense of humanity, and what, if any, no.
Of course, there are some things we need to know in words - for example, between the ages of nine and eleven, how to politely greet anyone with a good day, … (No, not Dear Emilné, as your child thinks if you want to give birth by name, but Dear Emilny Kovács - the dazzling Hungarian usage patterns make this possible.)
But what's important is not the words!
And breaking the will, in whatever form, is an important tool for the subordinate's education. Decide whether you want to raise a child under the whistle or raise a conscious, citizen-bound citizen. Source of the article: Tamás Vekerdy: Small Children-School. kцnyve.Related articles in the drone era:
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